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Do You See the Divine In Yourself?

In this month of love for self and others, I’ve been challenging my clients to look at how they can love themselves more. I don’t mean spa treatments, eating chocolate and just taking a nap kinda self-love–though fun and enjoyable, of course. I mean inner core “love beyond all understanding” type of self-love.

So often we can extend love, kindness, tolerance and acceptance to others, but we are so super critical of ourselves. We are afraid that we will be egotistical, vain, arrogant or conceited if we praise ourselves. But if you were to look at yourself and others through the eyes of the soul, and you believe we are each lovable and part of the divine, then why is it so hard to extend that level of love, adoration and acceptance towards yourself?

I am lucky that I grew up with a grandmother who learned the value of self-love, especially in a time when women were supposed to be good housewives who tolerated domestic abuse and were subservient to their husbands. Every morning, she would look at herself in the mirror and say “Oh, Ernestine, you are so precious and adorable. I just love you so much. You are beautiful, smart and capable.” Yes, it was the mirror work of the 80s self-esteem movement, but it worked. She lived to 92, knew how to laugh and enjoy herself, she was the top Avon Sales Lady in Canada and she loved to sleep in the nude under the moonlight. She was a Diva and I loved her.

What I learned from her was the power of looking in the mirror and truly seeing yourself — not with a narcissistic lens but a lens of tenderness towards oneself.

I recently did an exercise that I learned from FemCity where you look in the mirror and state 3 things you see about yourself — your qualities not your physical features. Then you write down 3 stories you tell yourself. When I did this exercise, I was blown away. When I looked at myself, I saw someone who is strong, capable and mature. The story I had about myself was that I was anxious, wounded and hurtful. My mind had made up a whole perspective of myself based on past wounds and conflicts with others. What I saw in the mirror and how others see me is completely different that my inner critic. So simple but it made an inner shift. The soul is way more powerful than the ego-critical mind.

So I invite you to do this exercise — look in the mirror at your eyes and being and soul. What qualities do you see? Write this down. Then write down three critical stories you tell yourself. So which perspective do you want to hold about yourself? I hope it’s the one that is actually true rather than your mistakes or wounds.

May the divine in me connect with the divine in you.

Featured

Clearing the Heart of Past Loves

Love is such a powerful force — it can change the world and it can also be the source of so much inner pain. 

It is the fundamental of spiritual teachings and the path. So many teachings are about emotional healing, forgiveness, love thy enemy, etc. Yet love is complicated. 

It can be codependent, enmeshed, toxic, unrequited, grief-stricken, violent or just simply unresolved. It can be gentle, pure, and joy-filled.

During this month of February, we are seeing hearts everywhere. It can bring up so many feelings as we contemplate love — loves lost, loves desired, loves we have, loves that ended badly, loves that never began. 

I can still remember the ones I crushed on in high school.  I look back at my first boyfriend in high school and how I thought we would be together forever. Wow, how my life went down a totally different path since then. I also hold dear my relationships after that where we had to make some hard choices to separate simply because life had other plans for us or our dysfunction was too much to get through. I also am aware of the loves that turned toxic and unsafe — whether with intimate partners, family members or friends.  

Those memories of what was shared in our relationships can leave a lingering sentimentality in the heart and mind. It makes one look back and create a whole host of stories of feeling safe and supported, being unlovable or mean, failing at love, or wondering if it is possible to ever capture that feeling again. Great poems are made from these types of relationship dynamics. Heck, therapy sessions are filled with the ache to love and be loved.

So what happens when the complex emotions still linger even when the relationship happened so long ago? Whether it’s the anger, sadness, fear, guilt, regret, yearning or loneliness, human relationships can send us into a tailspin of emotions. Though it takes time to heal and gain perspective, I do believe that we are here to learn something about ourselves and Spirit’s love with these relationship dynamics. I do feel it is possible to move through the relationships by facing our honest truth and feelings and intending to release the relationship from our mind, hearts and bodies.

Here are some examples of lessons we are here to learn with some relationships:

-If we are caught in the web of an affair, we are here to learn how to respect our sexuality with healthy boundaries and assertiveness.

If our loved one passed away and it was a good relationship, we are here to learn about faith and the eternal spiritual connection we can have with them on the Other Side and to carry the love that was shared forward into the world. 

-If our loved one passed away and it was a tense and toxic relationship, we are here to learn how to feel our complex feelings of anger, guilt, relief, regret and hurt so we can move forward with deeper lessons about self-love and honesty.

If you still have a crush on someone from so long ago, it means you need to understand why you weren’t meant to be together — that your destinies were not meant to intersect — and to understand understand what it was you were attracted to with that person. They perhaps represent a part of yourself that you want to cultivate or that is in hiding.

For example, I crushed out on a guy in high school named Eric– my best friend was the only person who knew about my feelings for this guy. I can still feel the flutter in my heart for him. When I look back, I saw that I was attracted to his uniqueness and creativity. He was counter-culture, his own person, a theatre actor and he didn’t care about fitting in. Oh, plus his long black hair didn’t hurt, either. 🙂  You see, there was a part in me that was trying to fit in at high school — I didn’t want to be seen as odd or different. Yet I had a depth to me that no one knew about. I also secretly wanted to be an actor. He was my alter ego and was a type of guide for me, reminding me of the kind of person I wanted to be. (Turns out he ended up becoming a drug dealer on the west coast. So thankfully I didn’t pursue that relationship further.) 

Once you get clarity about the what and why a relationship ended or didn’t culminate, it will strengthen you and your spirit so you can feel the energy of giving and receiving love again. 

You can do it on your own through journaling, meditating on past relationships and asking yourself “what did I have to learn from this relationship” or you can book an intuitive reading with me here to discover the deeper messages and meaning in the relationship. 

In the realm of love, I believe there is no past, present or future. On our earth plane, time is a reality and people come and go. Yet it’s the love that’s shared that touches us and leaves us as changed people in the end.  This is a great time of year to heal the heart of the residue of love or what you thought was love so you can be more present in your life and your relationships. Each day is a chance to share in this beautiful dancing of loving self and others.

Sending a prayer out for all you’ve known and loved and been loved by….

Warmest, 
Heather

The Goddess of Spring Cleaning is Here

In time for Imbolc, the Celtic Festival that happened on February 1st, I have recorded this teaching and Meditation to help you tune into the energies of this time with the Goddess Brigid.  She is the Goddess of Purification, Healing and Inspiration — just in time to prepare us for Spring. Wash those windows and know that all you do to clean up is for the Divine. She is with us until the Spring Equinox:

https://soundcloud.com/bl…/brigid-goddess-of-spring-cleaning

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