Love is such a powerful force — it can change the world and it can also be the source of so much inner pain.
It is the fundamental of spiritual teachings and the path. So many teachings are about emotional healing, forgiveness, love thy enemy, etc. Yet love is complicated.
It can be codependent, enmeshed, toxic, unrequited, grief-stricken, violent or just simply unresolved. It can be gentle, pure, and joy-filled.
During this month of February, we are seeing hearts everywhere. It can bring up so many feelings as we contemplate love — loves lost, loves desired, loves we have, loves that ended badly, loves that never began.
I can still remember the ones I crushed on in high school. I look back at my first boyfriend in high school and how I thought we would be together forever. Wow, how my life went down a totally different path since then. I also hold dear my relationships after that where we had to make some hard choices to separate simply because life had other plans for us or our dysfunction was too much to get through. I also am aware of the loves that turned toxic and unsafe — whether with intimate partners, family members or friends.
Those memories of what was shared in our relationships can leave a lingering sentimentality in the heart and mind. It makes one look back and create a whole host of stories of feeling safe and supported, being unlovable or mean, failing at love, or wondering if it is possible to ever capture that feeling again. Great poems are made from these types of relationship dynamics. Heck, therapy sessions are filled with the ache to love and be loved.
So what happens when the complex emotions still linger even when the relationship happened so long ago? Whether it’s the anger, sadness, fear, guilt, regret, yearning or loneliness, human relationships can send us into a tailspin of emotions. Though it takes time to heal and gain perspective, I do believe that we are here to learn something about ourselves and Spirit’s love with these relationship dynamics. I do feel it is possible to move through the relationships by facing our honest truth and feelings and intending to release the relationship from our mind, hearts and bodies.
Here are some examples of lessons we are here to learn with some relationships:
-If we are caught in the web of an affair, we are here to learn how to respect our sexuality with healthy boundaries and assertiveness.
If our loved one passed away and it was a good relationship, we are here to learn about faith and the eternal spiritual connection we can have with them on the Other Side and to carry the love that was shared forward into the world.
-If our loved one passed away and it was a tense and toxic relationship, we are here to learn how to feel our complex feelings of anger, guilt, relief, regret and hurt so we can move forward with deeper lessons about self-love and honesty.
If you still have a crush on someone from so long ago, it means you need to understand why you weren’t meant to be together — that your destinies were not meant to intersect — and to understand understand what it was you were attracted to with that person. They perhaps represent a part of yourself that you want to cultivate or that is in hiding.
For example, I crushed out on a guy in high school named Eric– my best friend was the only person who knew about my feelings for this guy. I can still feel the flutter in my heart for him. When I look back, I saw that I was attracted to his uniqueness and creativity. He was counter-culture, his own person, a theatre actor and he didn’t care about fitting in. Oh, plus his long black hair didn’t hurt, either. 🙂 You see, there was a part in me that was trying to fit in at high school — I didn’t want to be seen as odd or different. Yet I had a depth to me that no one knew about. I also secretly wanted to be an actor. He was my alter ego and was a type of guide for me, reminding me of the kind of person I wanted to be. (Turns out he ended up becoming a drug dealer on the west coast. So thankfully I didn’t pursue that relationship further.)
Once you get clarity about the what and why a relationship ended or didn’t culminate, it will strengthen you and your spirit so you can feel the energy of giving and receiving love again.
You can do it on your own through journaling, meditating on past relationships and asking yourself “what did I have to learn from this relationship” or you can book an intuitive reading with me here to discover the deeper messages and meaning in the relationship.
In the realm of love, I believe there is no past, present or future. On our earth plane, time is a reality and people come and go. Yet it’s the love that’s shared that touches us and leaves us as changed people in the end. This is a great time of year to heal the heart of the residue of love or what you thought was love so you can be more present in your life and your relationships. Each day is a chance to share in this beautiful dancing of loving self and others.
Sending a prayer out for all you’ve known and loved and been loved by….